I’m borrowing this title…and taking it out of the “expecting” context – in the pregnancy sense, that is. Having cleared out my bookshelves to make room for new reads in the new year, I noticed just how many books I bought on pregnancy, a mere 9 months of my life (how can I say this about such an important time? I’ve had children. If you haven’t, well, all I can say is, you’ll see). What I need is a What to Expect for some of life’s OTHER main events. Like…
What to Expect When You’re Expecting…How to Handle the Holidays edition, or What to Expect When You’re Expecting…Post Holiday Survival Guide.
Since I can remember, the holidays have been a time I’ve looked forward to with all my being
Better than birthdays, better than a bonus day off, better than finding the secret stash of cash hidden in a sock, at the back of your closet, in an old pair of boots in case of an emergency: to me, the Christmas holiday season always felt like I had won the lottery – there just seems to be a sprinkling of fairy dust in the air!
Most everyone is excited about the change in routine – a couple of days off work, holiday break from school, time with friends and family, and if you’re lucky, a visit from the guy in the red suit complete with a little trinket, or two! Not to mention the absolute joy while watching the faces of the 7.5 year old and nearly 4 year old as they tear through package after package of carefully planned presents (some educational, some that will surely encourage imagination, and others that will simply turn their brains to utter mush). But the greatest gift for me does not come in a package: it is the excuse to bring together friends and family, to feed them, entertain them, and watch as they relate under my roof; truly, the present I look forward to all year long.
However, to know me would also be to understand that I am by no means a Martha Stewart, Jamie Oliver (love him!) or Barefoot Contessa. Though I try really hard to be inventive and imaginative, inevitably, the stress of the holidays takes hold and things almost never turn out as I expected…or imagined…
For starters, though I invite my family over for the holidays months in advance and every year, I am amazed at how quickly they forget that they are ATTENDEES at the party, and NOT the hosts. This of course is extremely typical in the Armenian culture – and especially with moms. Nevermind that I own a home, am married, work for a living and have birthed two children, it seems there is still a seeming lack of trust (??!) around this annual gathering…
Mom: Calls me at work, sometime late November. Hello dear. How are you? I’m starting to make my plans for Christmas eve dinner. What are you planning on serving?
Me: In the middle of juggling at least three balls at once… Hi mom…wait, what?! Are you calling me at work to ask me about the Christmas eve dinner menu?
Mom: Why yes. Yes indeed. What were you thinking of serving?
Me: Mom, it’s still NOVEMBER!!!
Mom: But it’s December next week. Your dad and I want to know so that we can prepare our plans for shopping.
Me: BUT – IT’S – STILL – NOVEMBER!! I don’t know what I’m going to do, I haven’t thought that far ahead. Oh. My. God. MOM!!!! I’m at work! Somehow I think reiterating this obvious point will change things???
Mom: Yes dear, but you have to think of these things. How’s everyone going to know what to bring?
Me: Getting angry and loud…kick door shut before I totally lose my cool at the office. It’s not a POTLUCK! It’s Christmas eve DINNER! And I’m making it!!
Mom: Still totally calm tones. Well dear. You are so busy. How about I make the turkey, the stuffing, the rice, all of the sides and bring a fruit platter. Why don’t you just make a couple of salads.
Me: 0 to 200mph / Defcon 1 / Full blown nuclear. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! It’s MY house. It’s MY dinner party. It’s MY menu! Why can’t you just come over and be a guest? Why do you have to take over?!!! Why are you making me think about this NOW!??! I HAVE SO MUCH TO DO BEFORE THEN!!!
Mom: Still calm (HOW?! HOW DO THEY STILL REMAIN CALM??!!) Yes sweetheart. But you’re planning a party and you don’t have a menu. And we all know you’re busy. It’s ok. I will take care of things. The family has been asking about what to bring. We’re all trying to make our preparations. But most of all, we just want to help you. You’ve been so nervous and on edge lately…
Me: Confused. Defeated. Exasperated. Feeling guilty. Look mom. I’m at work. Please, can you not make any more plans about MY party. We’ll need to talk about this later. I have to go now. (Totally feeling shamed for screaming…it’s an Armenian parent specialty) Umm…oh, and thank you for wanting to help.
Mom: Ok dear. Nice talking to you. Just take care of yourself. All this stress isn’t good, you know. Are you taking vitamins? Oh, and don’t take too long to get back to us. Bye!
Oh boy. I swear it’s the same every year. Why isn’t THAT what I was expecting??! And needless to say, little did I know back at the end of November, that this conversation was just the beginning…a torturous couple of weeks at work, the Christmas eve dinner that had to be cancelled due to the ice storm and power outage, and then the absolute apex of unexpected events, the passing of our beloved Zoom. The little fish I, without any premonition, wrote about some weeks ago…
If I was going to write some sort of a (survival) guide or manual, it would have the following title – What to Expect when all of your expectations are dashed: Just go with it! And that’s what we did; it’s what I did. Christmas Eve dinner became the very first New Year’s Eve dinner, I accepted help from all those around me, and in the end, it was my mom that brought the salad.
Wishing you the very best in 2014!
Epilogue: Zoom passed sometime between the eve and actual day of Armenian Christmas (January 5/6). He will always be remembered by our household, especially the 7.5 year old who shared his room with him for just over 2.5 years. I will forever be grateful for how he bonded our family together (in that special way that only pets can) and the little lesson he taught me: to get up and go after what I want.
The above is dedicated to Zoom T. and to a very brave woman who lived Zoom’s lesson. I hope to follow in both your footsteps…