This one’s for Mr. Niceguy…who ever so sweetly purchased a book for me all about being Happy! xoxoxo
Once again I find myself in procrastination station but instead of beating myself up, I got a little help from none other than the Big Man upstairs…
It’s 1:05pm and just over 96 hours ago, with the prospect of a long weekend ahead, I had compiled a list of much needed projects to complete: tackle new outdoor lighting, replace kitchen faucet which has been on the fritz for over 3 years (no word of a lie but a fritz that just doesn’t really merit the effort), consider applying for a blogging gig, and buy outfit for special dinner in my honour.
Oh, and of course, being one who is very involved in my culture and community, I have about a million obligations borne out of my volunteering. So where do I begin?
Here I thought that leaving a job that afforded me with very little time to manage house, home, family and self, would now provide me with the kind of space I needed to “get it all done.” Not quite. But then, I can’t blame it all on the work – or no work. For you see, the reason for my procrastination is not because of laziness, fear or an unwillingness for change. Rather, it is my absolute tendency towards being ever-so-slightly, a self-diagnosed ‘haver’ of ADD.
Like just this past weekend out of the sheer goodness of my heart and inherent, perpetual guilt, I had agreed that Mr. Niceguy, the 7 year old and 4 year old would accompany my parents to a post-church Easter dinner. While I wasn’t thoroughly excited to attend this dinner, I’m glad I did for what I observed would have provided much fodder for a Wes Anderson movie (think The Royal Tannenbaums or The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou)…
As we took our seats, I thanked the heavens that I’d had the wherewithal to bring along gaming devices for the boys for like most large-scale dinner events, we were in it for the long haul. At every place setting there was one ruby coloured egg to be used for the “Easter egg wars” (he or she who has the last remaining, uncracked egg, wins!) and a cookie in the shape of the cross. While the priest announced that we were not to touch the eggs, the cross appeared to be fair game and while I was busying myself with my own diversions, before I knew it those crosses were being held by guns by the 4 year old (!!!) and while he virtually stood on his chair yelling, “Pow! Pow! Pow!” I had to fight my every instinct to crawl under the table or smack that cookie out of his hands and politely asked him to please refrain from such boorish behaviour and to recall that God was watching him from above and so every single Octonaut toy would be confiscated by Him, never to be returned again.
Seemingly, everything was now in the “all clear” and I could return to the task at hand: research for one of my volunteering commitments. When all of a sudden, I heard a light rustling…and a little bit of a ‘crack-crack’. Then that sweet, sulphuric, signature smell that can only mean one thing…an egg that would never make it to the egg wars. Staring down both of my children, asking them to reveal to me who had broken the egg, they looked at me with those cherubic eyes and swore it wasn’t them. So I turned, and right next to me was a bag, which formerly housed the cross cookie (now gone), filled with none other than ruby coloured eggshells, used tissues, and all sorts of other garbage…there on MY bread plate left by a neighbouring dinner companion! This person had also hijacked my fork and was ever-so-slightly inching her seat over so that my claustrophobia started to kick in!
I felt grossly violated – at least my personal space did. In an effort to avoid an absolute meltdown, I buried myself in my phone – from Instagram and Facebook to the new Realtor App (always getting ideas…) and Houzz – and neglected much of what was going on around me.
I began to block things out and in turn, found solace. So what if I couldn’t be enjoying the sun, watching the world go by at a café with a latte in hand, so what if I was on automatic pilot and had responded to the dozen or so questions from my children about when the dinner would finally be served or for that matter, what we would be having for dinner, and so what if I was blatantly bribing them to stay put, stop using the cross cookies as guns and stop asking about the egg fights that they could stay up later and watch the shows they’d missed since they had to be at this event. I was trying to survive. Until…
Lo and behold, all of a sudden, I came face-to-face with the priest – and unfortunately I was the one uncensored. My face was frozen in a weird sort of scowl slash look of disgust as I thought long and hard about the contents of that bag now on my bread plate, the lady at the next table making strange pucker faces at a baby who probably couldn’t see farther than its own hand and didn’t have the neck muscles to turn away, and the smell of cigarettes that somehow kept wafting over thanks to a group of “young adults” that kept ducking outside for a quick smoke making my throat constrict and my eyes water. Had he been alerted by the “higher-ups” of my uncharitable thoughts? Had God himself sent him over to remind me that there are more important things than my sense of space or my laundry list of things to do? Either way, there he was, right in front of me.
I don’t consider myself a religious person. But I do believe that there is something greater than us all. Connecting us all. And the thought that there is someone that watches over me and keeps me from, well, I’ll just call them life’s great burdens, is comforting.
96 hours after listing all of my “grand plans” I have accomplished nearly nothing…but I did watch the 7 year old make it as a finalist in the egg wars and the 4 year old try and skip stones at the beach afterwards while Mr. Niceguy and I took stock of our present. I think I’ll hang out here, in procrastination station just a little while longer…although wait, what’s for dinner?!